Category Archives: Humor

Convicted bank robber wins the lottery – will he keep the money?

bank robber

Here is a little amusing story that I found on yahoo news recently. The winner of a $1 million lottery scratch ticket may not be so lucky after all: He’s a convicted bank robber who isn’t supposed to gamble. Timothy Elliott faces a Dec. 7 court hearing over whether he violated his probation when he bought the $10 ticket for the $800 Million Spectacular game at a supermarket in Hyannis

Elliott was placed on five years’ probation after pleading guilty in October 2006 to unarmed robbery for a January 2006 heist at a bank on Cape Cod. Under terms of his probation, he “may not gamble, purchase lottery tickets or visit an establishment where gaming is conducted, including restaurants where Keno may be played.”

Elliott, 55, has collected the first of 20 annual $50,000 checks from the Massachusetts lottery commission. A picture of Elliott, holding his first check, was posted on the lottery’s Web site Monday, though it was removed by Wednesday.

As part of his sentence, Elliott was put under the care of the state Mental Health Department and sent to a hospital for treatment, and state officials refused Wednesday to say whether he was still being treated.

A telephone number for Elliott could not immediately be located Wednesday, and it was not clear whether he had a lawyer.

The lottery routinely cross references the names of winners with the state Revenue Department to see if they owe back taxes or child support, lottery spokesman Dan Rosenfeld said. In those cases, winnings go straight to the Revenue Department.

But in this case, it will be up to the court to determine what will happen with Elliott’s winnings.

“This is kind of new territory,” he said

lol…what can I say, the universe is not without a sense of humor :)

Bovine Humor

Hard at work trying to make a buck? Take a break – have a laugh! So I was reviewing some websites on Linkreferral.com (btw, a very good way to generate traffic for your webpage) and I came across this blog which had the jokes you are about to read below. I though I’d share them with you all. Enjoy!

If you are a __________ and have two cows…

*****

A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don’t know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan “countryside” and they both die. You blame the godless American infidel

Every Breath Bernanke Takes

Hahahaha..I think you guys (and galls, don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about you) will find this amusing. The video is quite good, except for that last part where they go “CBS is great, wouldn’t change …”. I detect a bit of viral marketing, in which case it obviously has done the job as here I go spreading the “virus”. Anyways, enjoy laughing at the FED, because that’s all it is, a joke. Note to big brother: I am a good guy, please don’t come after me as I own a lot of your fiat money and I just might decide to burn it in protest and as a result cause a massive contraction in the money supply :D. Eh, but who would notice really since the M3 monetary aggregate is no longer available to the public.

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Some more funny for your money: Foreign hotel signs

Foreign Hotel Signs:

FROM A BROCHURE OF A CAR RENTAL FIRM IN TOKYO: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

IN A TOKYO HOTEL: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notis.

IN A JAPANESE HOTEL ROOM: Please to Bathe inside the tub.

IN A BUCHAREST HOTEL LOBBY: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

IN A LEIPZIG ELEVATOR: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

IN A BELGRADE HOTEL ELEVATOR: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

IN A PARIS HOTEL ELEVATOR: Please leave your values at the front desk.

IN A HOTEL IN ATHENS: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 A.M. and 11 A.M. daily.

IN A YUGOSLOVIAN HOTEL: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

IN A JAPANESE HOTEL: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

IN THE LOBBY OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ACROSS FROM A RUSSIAN ORTHODOX MONASTERY: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

IN AN AUSTRIAN HOTEL CATERING TO SKIERS: Not to perambulate the corridors in the house of repose in the boots of ascension.

ON THE MENU OF A SWISS RESTAURANT: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

ON THE MENU OF A POLISH HOTEL: Salad a firm’s own make, limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

IN A HONG KONG SUPERMARKET: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.

OUTSIDE A HONG KONG TAILOR SHOP: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

IN A BANGKOK DRY CLEANERS: Drop your trousers here for best results.

OUTSIDE A PARIS DRESS SHOP: Dresses for insert bold tagseet walking.

IN A RHODES TAILOR SHOP: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.

FROM THE SOVIET WEEKLY: There will be a Moscow Exibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic Painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

IN AN EAST AFRICAN NEWSPAPER: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

IN A VIENNA HOTEL: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm ther hotel porter.

A SIGN POSTED IN GERMANY’S BLACK FOREST: It is strictly forbidden in our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

IN A ZURICH HOTEL: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

IN AN ADVERTISEMENT BY A HONG KONG DENTIST: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

IN A ROME LAUNDRY: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the rest of the afternoon having a good time.

IN A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN TOURIST AGENCY: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.

ADVERTISEMENT FOR DONKEY RIDES IN THAILAND: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

IN THE WINDOW OF A SWEDISH FURRIER: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

ON THE BOX OF A TOY MADE IN HONG KONG: Guranteed to work throughout it’s useful life.

DETOUR SIGN IN KYUSHI, JAPAN: Stop: Drive Sideways.

IN A SWISS MOUNTAIN INN: Special today: no ice cream.

IN A BANGKOK TEMPLE: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

IN A TOKYO BAR: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

IN A COPENHAGEN AIRLINE TICKET OFFICE: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

ON THE DOOR OF A MOSCOW HOTEL ROOM: If this is your first visit to the U.S.S.R., you are welcome to it.

IN A NORWEGIAN COCKTAIL LOUNGE: Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.

AT A BUDAPEST ZOO: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

IN THE OFFICE OF A ROMAN DOCTOR: Specialist in women and other diseases.

IN AN ACUPULCO HOTEL: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

FROM A JAPANESE INFORMATION BOOKLET ABOUT USING A HOTEL AIR CONDITIONER: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself